I can not help myself, I need to express this event that happened to me.
Take this read as a message, or a lesson.
A few weeks back, I celebrated at home. I was given a foreign beverage from Peru, which no one wanted. This drink tasted like tap water, and old oranges.
This night, lucky my son went to sleep, and so I was trying to enjoy this nght with a movie, and merely relaxing at home. After drinking this berverage, I then started to sweat. I then started to feel trememndouly cold. ( this night the temperature out side was fair, but not drastic enough for any long sleaves not winter clothing).
I started to notice that the base of the BACK of my neck and all the way down to my shoulder blades, and my entire back started to feel very hot, and then cold at the same time. Oh boy, I thought to myself, I thought I was getting sick. then began to shiver more so every time a minute or two passes. Sitting on a couch, I then began to see that I wasn't feeling good around my arms, especially around the pit, the location before the forearm and the biceps. This too was getting cold and hot at the same time.
I thought that maybe the food I ate had a strange affect on me, so I headed to the bathroom to let out this , what ever this was , out. But I didn't do nothing, just sat there. The sweating began again, and the cold and hot feeling on my back got worse. Then all the hair of my forearm was raised very high. I didn't know what was happening to me. I staid in the bathroom for 4 hours. Then I vomited.
My stomach was then empty, and this flu like feeling didn't go? tea, soup, seltzer water, anything I took, didn't staid...again the bathroom was my station.
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What took place after was indescribable. But I am trying to piece these things to gather to have a sense of things.
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I sat there, and started to cry... I felt physically hurt, drained and tired. Saturday night wasn't a relaxing night at all. Then I closed my eyes: ( feeling cold... my entire body was in a weird place.. I felt as if I was in a bubble of cold and hot sensations externally.). My back was even hotter, my arms got my hair standing high? what was going on? I felt I was in a static bubble. It did feel that way. Starting to cry more... I close my eyes. AND I felt I was somewhere else. I saw dark grey room..no windows, and then ripples that came across the top and bottom of my peripheral. This ripple activate every time I took deep breathes... and the sobbing I was doing made these ripples more active. And the more active these slightly invisible ripples became, the more colors in these lines where.... this dark grey room was fluid. and it led me to a form, that later became the face of my mother, as I "channeled" her in my mind. I heard her breathing. I heard her scratching her nose, while she was laying on her side, with her eyes closed....
The sick feeling, I had to snap myself out of this very strange vortex I was going. I had to get a grip. But how if my entire body didn't want me to grasp myself while being this is force field...
The time was 2am. Saturday became Sunday morning. didn't eat.
I lay in bed trying to recoup.
I closed my eyes, and sounds, and eyes is what I saw.... all that kept rehearsing in my heard was these words: "PROCESSING... CHANNELING" I had then horrible dreams of eyes wide open.. staring at me...
I screamed out loud to leave me alone. I didn't sleep because I started to fear sleeping.
Sunday morning, and I didn't sleep. I was sick, and miserable. I felt that if I take a shower maybe this will soothing my mind a bit to help me get rid of this awful feeling. My son is now awake. I get out, and still not any better. I try to eat to regain my strength... but that didn't helped. I throw up every thing. My son was worried,, and I was too.
I cant let my son see me this way.... is all I said to myself. helpless hopeless.... told him "mommy isn't feeling well today" and he said "its alright.... snuggle with me, I take care of you", as he turns on his mini DVD player for me to watch his cartoons. I then got out, got my son some cereal with milk, banana and a cookie.
again, my body didn't want to eat, it was shivering.... sweating... hurt, and every time I closed my eyes... I felt that I wasn't here, in reality. ( I thought then the beverage that I drank must have been tampered with).
Sunday night, we order out. I didn't eat, but felt worse. vomiting and hallucinating.....
day two... I couldn't sleep. again, when I did tried... I felt in fear. I saw darkness.... deep darkness.... and a light grey form from a distance.... that zoomed fast forward to my sight, and it had huge eyes... again I screamed out loud to leave me alone! in fear, I sat on my bed.... Monday morning arrived..... haven't eaten, have drank ... but feeling out of place, because all I was thinking was my son, my life, who I wanted to be stronger for, he is my life, and he wasn't in my heart, my thoughts... I would have lost completely all the grip of reality! MY SON SAVED MY LIFE.....
I took him to school, came back home and rehearsed my house hold chores. I then entered my room, but felt fear. There was a weird feeling in my room..... that wasn't there before.
I have called many of my friends, and many of them though I was nuts, until I spoke to Laurie, and Red Clay woman. with in those days, I then had art shows, I went because art is what I so love, and I wanted to medicate this horrible fear that I cant seem where did this steamed from?
Monday night... again didn't sleep. Tuesday morning, took my son to school, got home, routines and at home... then entered my room again, and I saw a shadow from the back of my room run fast to my left. I froze. I stood there, in my room... I froze. the awful feelings that I had on Saturday night, entered my body again! the burning of my back, the icy hot feeling, the sweating... I said NO MORE!
I closed my eyes, as I stood then re opened them, and I SCREAMED OUT LOUD! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, LEAVE ME ALONE! I AM TIRED TIRED OF NOT SLEEPING, AND I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
IF YOUR A GOOD SPIRIT, STAY, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE AND MY FAMILY.
IF YOU ARE NOT, YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE!
LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE !!!! IF YOU WANT TO STAY DON'T BTOERH ME NORE MY FAMILY.
I LET YOU BE, THEN YOU LET ME BE!
my body then slowly went back to normal.... I took a deep breath while in that room. and the weird feeling in this room vanished, like in thin air.
I took another breath.... and I cried and a huge grin appeared on my face. I didn't force my face to smile.... it did it.... by itself? ( weird ...right....? ! )
I felt that I conquered something, but my body was also toyed with something unknown to me.... and thus the way I now see things is a bit altered, but not out my intentions.... Channeled in processing the spiritual wasnt my goal at all!
Tuesday night, I finally was able to sleep!
I finally as able to sleep without nightmares
that I was having since Saturday night
This made me happy that when it became
Wednesday morning. started to eat again. and now I am in control, and stronger....
Thank you for baring with me, these days... It wasn't that I wanted to distance myself... I was really going through something that couldn't explain... embarrassed tha many though I was crazy, and how I was able to have my son feel at ease, under invisible chaos!
LOVE IS LOVE, and it proved itself to me!
