Saturday, August 16, 2008
How do I begin to express Art and combat boots. The story wasn't an easy one. But I am sure delighted to share the insight with you all here. I am delighted to say it because of the unexplainable love that the outcome became to be.
After witnessing the mental struggle my mom has been through, and even had some break downs and physical strains, I was convinced that having children wasn't my goal as it was my mom's. My mother had to bare three children, one year apart of each child. "sit down... you stop doing that!...and you get back here and pick that up!", every time. Every day, my mothers routine was a loving task, but I look back I see her often smiling rather then having a miserable appearance. She enjoyed being with us as much as we(Tomas, myself and Jorge) was with her.
We all loved knowing my mom was there, but we all didn't liked seeing her become an alcoholic, this was becoming a stronger force with her that she didn't want to let go. This lead her to develop mental problems, such as schizophrenia, one that I couldn't recognize and I often labeled it as being/acting drunk.
"No kids for me....no way" I didn't want to end up like her. But years later I became a mom myself. The story goes where I did believe that there wasn't any guy for me. I was so not trained to be social, often kept to myself and also was very tomboyish. Dudes were glance at my way, turn around and not look back. I was so out of place, socially and femininely that I said to myself, maybe I should become a nun? why not? I often felt that I didn't belong. This lead me to focus on the thing I liked best, which was drawing. At this stage I drew a lot of comic book images, on Black Books, and tagged up in the city, because in my mind no one knew I existed. Boy I was wrong. Later in life the realization that my family was my strong aid and belief in my art pursuit through out my life. I was glad to know that I got so much love from them. I also lean a lot into martial arts. That helped me coup with my neighborhood and self confidence. . The physical training lead to empowerment, and the art was set in the back burner. (At a blog below, I have written why I chose military. Please take a look and give a response if you choose.) I took a risk later in my life to continue art by means of military boots. I did just that, left NYC at the year 1999 and went straight to South Carolina Fort Jackson (lazy Jackson), did some amazing things there, *another blog, and left there after 3 month+ to travel to Texas, Fort Sam Huston. Combat training 91 Bravo.
Arriving back to my mother land New York City 1999, from military training, I found my boy friend that I knew from freaking Junior High school. Dude, we knew each other since I was like 13 years old. Seeing him again was so weird. I never had a crush on him before, nor thought about him in those manner. He was my classroom buddy, and that was it. So seeing him again was nice, kinda like a reunion. He looked way older and stronger. Our day of courtly was cool, I didn't have to pretend that I was something else, I was so natural with my boyish girl ways that it didn't bother him at all. I even told him that I was living in the shelter and that my mom was missing. He didn't laugh at me as others did, he then stood out.
Yada yada yada.... we started to date. Was cool to talk to some one that can relate to neighborhood and familiar things, and it was also strangely weird to hold hands with a class room buddy that once shared glue or a pen in the classroom. Fast forward to a point were we were talking about future: He wanted kids and I didn't want non. Plain and simple, we had a very heated debate, after 4 years running at this point we were focus that it wasn't our time. 2004, and a surprise happened. I found out that I didn't get my (you know what) and I was a bit confused. It has happened before when I work out a lot for 5, or even 7 month straight and not get my stuff. But this time around it was different. I felt different.
I was pregnant at A.I.T (Advance Initial Training) that happened every summer. I was throwing up like Niagara falls every time I smelled pancakes with syrup??!!! What the F... Then I was getting other symptoms. I had to take out this bullet proof vest and run out of formation to get yelled at my Sergent to explain to him I wasn't feeling well, and was rushed to the doctors, who later made an exam and blood works, to say later, that I was pregnant!
Do you remember President bush being re elected for presidency? And that also we wanted to have his Republic Convection in NYC? yup, all the National Guards were alerter code red. We were at all stations at the ready. I was there until of the news. That same month of training I was also told that although I found out that I was pregnant, I was also schedule to take flight with the 342 Forward Support Battalion to me be mobilized soon to Iraq. Wow. Speechless and stunned by all this, I caved into myself and didn't want to talk to anyone. The month was now over and I went straight to my unit in Yonkers New York, for a debriefing to later receive good news. All the 91 Bravos were postponed flight 43-907743 to Iraq, do to over staffing. I was returning to my original plans as a civilian until called upon.
February of the next year, 2005. I gave birth to my son Wesly. One year later after that, I was given my certificate of completion which I full filled my duties as a soldier for our country. I now can breath better. My son's intials is: W.A.R.