After reciting this poem, we then worked togehter in makng hs poem a reality.
( at first it was very hard for me to understand that people are out there, even if as close to a brother form, can harm a presious soul, yet alone a child that was at the wrong place with the wrong peoples. I was able to be strong and create this painting in trying to express out his poem in the most polite way)
~mm
In his very own words, his poem his pain and his healing:
FIRST I JUST WANNA SAY, THIS ISN'T A PLEA FOR SYMPATHY.. IT'S MY WAY OF RELEASING INNER DEMONS AND AT THE SAME TIME HOPEFULLY HELPING OTHERS GET PAST THOSE ISSUE'S, DARK SECRETS AND TRAGEDIES THAT CAN KILL YOU YOU SLOWLY , IF YOU DON'T ADDRESS THEM.. IF YOUR STILL ALIVE TO TALK ABOUT IT THEN DO SO AND RELEASE THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY WHICH HOLDS YOU DOWN, THAT YOU IMPOSE ON OTHERS, THAT ANGER THAT YOU PASS ON TO YOUR LOVED ONES AND CHILDREN. IT'S TIME TO LIVE..FREE OF SOULFUL PAIN , TRANSPARENT POISON THAT FEEDS OFF OF YOUR SPIRIT, INVISIBLE CHAINS THAT HAVE YOU ON LOCK DOWN...YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE... I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT YOUR ABOUT TO READ..
A BROTHER TO CALL MY OWN.......
YOUR THE ONLY CHILD! , DAMN YOUR LUCKY..
THOSE WORDS WOULD ALWAYS CONFUSE ME..
IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO FEEL THAT WAY.....
AS I WAS ALWAYS LONELY, PLAYING BY MYSELF LOCKED IN MY ROOM......
WONDERING IF ANOTHER CHILD WOULD ESCAPE FROM THE SAME WOMB..
WHICH SPAT ME OUT TO BE ALL ALONE.....
JUST TO HAVE DEEP CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF......
WHERE MY IMAGINATION WOULD ROAM....
TO A PLACE WHERE I HAD A BROTHER TO CALL MY OWN....
AN OLDER BROTHER!!!!....
OH THE FUN WE WOULD HAVE!.....
I WOULD PICTURE IT, RUNNING AND JUMPING..
THEN I WOULD FALL...
AND HE WOULD LAUGH..
THEN HE WOULD PICK ME UP, DUST ME OFF...
TELL ME NOT TO CRY..
THATS ALL I WANTED...
A BROTHER TO CALL MY OWN....
WE HAD FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY, MARIO AND NURIA!
YOU KNOW, THOSE PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS CAME OVER TO THE HOUSE,
ALWAYS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS..
THEY WERE LIKE MY UNCLE AND AUNT,
THEY ALWAYS GAVE ME LOVE,
NEVER NO FOULS AND NEVER NO HARM.....
THEY HAD 2 KIDS,
A DAUGHTER AND A SON...
BOTH MUCH OLDER THAN ME...
BUT NEVER THE LESS...
WITH THEM I ALWAYS HAD FUN.
LIZZETTE WAS 15, BOBBY 16......
AND I WAS ONLY 6
FOR I LOVED LIZZETTE!!
MY 1ST CRUSH ON AN OLDER CHICK....
BOBBY , WELL HE WAS THE BIGGEST KID ON THE BLOCK...
EVERYONE KNEW HIM,
HE HAD THE PRETTIEST GIRLFRIEND
AND WAS THE BEST JOCK......
SO I PLAYED GOOGLY EYES WITH LIZZETTE...
ALWAYS IN HER FACE...
BUT WITH BOBBY!
I HAD A DIFFERENT PLACE
I HAD FOUND MY BROTHER!
HE WOULD TAKE ME TO THE SCHOOLYARD AND I WOULD WATCH HIM PLAY..
I WOULD HANG ON THE STOOP WITH HIM & HIS BOYS AND HEAR THEM SAY....
THINGS LIKE , 'BOBBY YOU THE MAN"....
AND I SEE YOU TRAINING LIL MAN TO FOLLOW IN YO STEPS..
I WOULD GET MAD DAPS AND RESPECT...
LOVE FROM THE OLDER CATS..
BECAUSE OF BOBBY'S REP....
HE WOULD SAY I WAS HIS LIL CUZZO BUT MORE LIKE A BROTHER....
AND WITH THAT!
I WAS LIKE NO OTHER ...
LIL KID ON THE BLOCK!...
FOR I WAS THE ALLEGED LIL BROTHER OF THE BADDEST MOFO TO SWING A STICKBALL BAT!!
WHILE PRO-KEDS HE WOULD ROCK!
I HAD FINALLY FOUND MY BROTHER...
A BROTHER TO CALL MY OWN,
THAT GUY TO LOOK UP TO,
THAT GUY I COULD RUN TO,
THAT DUDE WHO KNEW EVERYTHING...
AND COULD TEACH ME TO BE GROWN.....
I GOT WHAT I WANTED..
A BROTHER TO CALL MY OWN...
THE ONLY THING I DID'NT LIKE..
WAS GOING TO MARIO AND NURIAS HOUSE...
CAUSE THEY HAD A DOG!
THAT SEEMED TO BE AS BIG AS A HOUSE!!
(THIS FUDDA MUKKA WAS BIG!!)
FOR THIS WAS NOT YOUR AVERAGE PUPPY, THIS WAS A BEAST FROM HELL!
TALLER THAN ME..
LEGS LIKE TREES
AND ENDLESS TEETH!!
AS FAR AS I COULD TELL!!
AND HE WAS EVIL!!!!!.....
AS EVIL AS CAN BE...
DIDNT LIKE ANYONE....
AND 3 TIMES HE TRIED TO EAT ME...
SCARED ME SO MUCH..
HE MADE ME PEE...
BOBBY!!!!!
I SCREAMED..
AND HERE WOULD COME MY BROTHER TO SAVE ME..
DRAGGING THE SNARLING BEAST TO THE BATHROOM , WHERE HE WOULD BEAT HIM DOWN..
FOR I COULD HEAR THE SOUND...
AS I LAY THERE WIPING MY EYES WITH A FRIGHTENED FROWN.....
FOR I JUST HAD HAD A NIGHTMARE WHILE I WAS AWAKE...
SO SCARED I THREW UP MY LUNCH,
AND SHIT MYSELF FOR GOODNESS SAKE......
BUT HAVE NO FEAR..
CAUSE MY BIG BROTHER
WAS NEAR....
WELL THE SUMMER CAME ,
AND THE SUMMER WENT...
SUCH A GLORIOUS TIME
WITH MY BROTHER I HAD SPENT....
IT WAS TIME TO START SCHOOL..
THIS IS WHERE I NEEDED TO BE SENT TO START MY EDUCATION..
AND EXPAND MY BRAIN..
FROM HERE ON LIFE WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME...
MY MOM NOW HAD A PROBLEM YOU SEE....
FROM THE HOURS OF 3TO 5..
WHO THE FUCK WAS GONNA BABY SIT ME??
MARIO AND NURIA SHE DID ASK ...
TO SEE IF LIZZETTE AND BOBBY..
WERE UP TO THIS TASK?...
PERO NO JODA, SEGURO QUE SI!
THEY SAID...
MIRA, BOBBY PUEDE RECOJELO Y LO TRAE PARA CASA..
AYI EL PUEDE HACER EL HOMEWORK DEL..
Y DESPUES..PUEDE JOGAR..
Y VELLAR EL "TEE BEE"
THEY SAID..
OH SI! Y TAMBIEN, PAPITO NOT TE APURES
VAMO A TRANCAL EL PERRITO..OK NO TE APURES!
EL WOW WOW , PA EL BANIO SE VA!..OK??
THEY SAID...
ALL WAS GRAND , TILL ONE DAY..
LIZZETE EXCLAIMED, I FOUND A JOB
AND NOW I CAN PAY..
FOR THINGS I WANT
AND THE CLOTHES I NEED
IN ORDER TO BE COOL AND TO SUCCEED ..
SORRY! TIA RAFALITO AFTER SCHOOL I CAN WATCH NO MORE..
I CAN PICK HIM UP,DROP HIM OFF..
AND THEN OFF TO MY JOB AT THE 5 & DIME STORE...
BOBBY CAN WATCH HIM
AND THE HOMEWORK WITH HIM HE'LL DO
RAFALITO WILL BE OK
CAUSE YOU KNOW BOBBY LOVES HIM TOO
MOM'S ASKED ME IF WITH THIS I WAS OK??
I SCREAMED YES! BOBBY'S MY BIG BROTHER
WITH HIM , I WOULD BE GLAD TO STAY....
BOBBY AGREED , ASSURING I WOULD BE ALRIGHT..
I WOULD DO MY HOMEWORK AND THEN TAKE ME TO PLAY..
AND OF COURSE THE FAMILY BEAR, I MEAN DOG..
IN THE BATHROOM IT WOULD STAY OUT OF SIGHT..
THE 1ST WEEK WAS FINE...
THE 2ND WEEK COOL!!
I WAS WITH MY BROTHER AFTER ALL
FOR 2 WHOLE HOURS , EVERYDAY AFTER SCHOOL.....
BUT THEN LITTLE BY LITTLE THINGS STARTED TO DIFFER..
BOBBY WOULD GO IN HIS ROOM WITH HIS BOYS OR A GIRL...
AND COME OUT MUCH LATER..
I WOULD HEAR LAUGHTER AND HAPPY TONES...
WHEN HIS GIRL WAS THERE
I WOULD HEAR HEAVY BREATHING AND AN OCCASIONAL MOAN...
ACCOMPANIED WITH A FUNNY ODER FOLLOWED BY A COUGH AND A CHOKE.
THE SMELL WAS ALWAYS THERE...
AND SO WAS THE SMOKE...
I WOULD FINISH MY HOMEWORK
AND AT BOBBYS DOOR I WOULD STARE..
WONDERING WHAT WAS GOING..
WITH MY BROTHER IN THERE...
MY BROTHER WAS THE MAN
AS FAR AS I COULD SEE..
FOR WHOEVER ENTERED HIS CHAMBER..
WOULD COME OUT WITH A SMILE ..
AND GIVING HIM
SOME MONEY....
I GOT SOME LOOT TO ..
EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE..
BUT WITH THIS ALWAYS CAME
A WINK AND A SMILE..DONT SAY NUFFIN
LIL MAN..
THIS OUR SECRET..
WE DO THIS HAND IN HAND..
I WOULD THEN GET 50 CENTS OR MAYBE A DOLLAR..
NOT TO HOLLAR ..
A WORD..
AND OKAY I WOULD SAY
FOR BOBBY WAS MY BIG BROTHER..
THE ONE I WOULD NEVER BETRAY..
ONE DAY BOBBY ANSWERED THE DOOR..
STANDING THERE
WAS A GIRL
I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
WOW!!
WAS ALL I COULD THINK..
THE GIRL WAS FINE,
BIG BOOBIES, PRETTY HAIR...
SHE GAVE ME A KISS AND A WINK..
TOUCHED MY CHEEK
AND CALLED ME CUTIE PIE
I STOOD THERE FROZEN...
THEN EXHALED..
AND LET OUT A SIGH..
SHE SAID HER NAME WAS CANDY..
AND TASTY WAS SHE..
I WATCHED AS SHE KISSED MY BROTHER..
WALK THRU HIS ROOM DOOR
FIRST TO LOOK BACK AT ME WITH A WINK...
AS I DID MY HOMEWORK
ALL MY LIL HEAD COULD THINK...
WHAT ARE THEY DOING BEHIND THE DOOR??
I COULD HEAR A FEW THINGS?
BUT I WANTED
TO KNOW MORE...
I APPROACHED BOBBYS ROOM ON TIPPY TOE
AS I GOT CLOSE TO THE DOE
IT WAS AJAR JUST ENOUGH TO SEE
BOBBY WITH NO PANTS
CANDY WITH NO SHIRT
AND
SHE WAS KISSING HIS PEE PEE..
SMOKE FILLED THE AIR..
WHILE HE HELD HER HAIR..
SO I LEANED HARDER
FOR A BETTER VIEW...
AND FELL THRU
THE DOOR
WHICH MADE THE 2
STARE IN SHOCK AND DISBELIEF.
I FELT SCARED AND STARTED TO CRY..
BOBBY HAD
THIS CRAZY LOOK IN HIS EYE..
MY BROTHER WHOM I DID LOVE ..
SCREAMED WHAT THE FUCK,
SLAPPED ME IN THE HEAD
AND GAVE ME A SHOVE...
I CRIED LOUDER..
AS LOUD AS I COULD...
WITH THIS CAME ANOTHER SLAP
ANOTHER SHOVE
AND I FELL TO
THE FLOOR OF WOOD....
BOBBY SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP
AND COME HERE
STILL WITH NO PANTS ON..
CANDY SMILING
STILL WITH NO SHIRT ON.....
HUGGED ME ,
WIPED MY TEARS
AND BURIED MY FACE IN HER BARE CHEST..
WHAT CAME NEXT...
FUCKED UP MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE..
BROKE MY SPIRIT..
BROKE MY MOLD...
AT THE EARLY AGE OF 6 YR'S OLD...
BOBBY SAYS
SO YOU WANNA BE LIKE ME!
TAKE DOWN YOUR PANTS
AND LET ME TOUCH YOUR PEE PEE..
NO I CRIED...
NO! WAS MY PLEA
MOMMY SAID
THATS FOR NO ONE TO TOUCH
OR TO SEE..
ESPECIALLY ANOTHER BOY
WHO HAS THE SAME AS ME..
NO BOBBY PLEASE
I DONT WANT TO....
COME ON CUTEY,
CANDY DID SAY..
DONT YOU LIKE ME..
COME ON PAPI,
LETS PLAY....
DONT YOU WANNA SEE..
WHAT ME
AND BOBBY
CAN DO WITH YOUR,
PEE PEE..
NO!
I WANT GO HOME..
I CRIED MOMMY!!!
PLEASE ....
NO....
AS I WHIMPERED
SCARED AND DISTRAUGHT...
I PLEADED WITH MY BROTHER
THEN ON HIS FACE..
I CAN SEE ,
HE HAD A THOUGHT..
HE GOT UP
AND WENT OUT THE DOOR.
WHILE CRYING
SILENTLY I PRAYED..
PLEASE DONT CAME BACK NO MORE....
THE NEXT SOUND I HEARD
CRUSHED EVERY DREAM I EVER HAD..
I WENT INSANE
I WENT MAD...
PEEKING THRU THE DOOR
AS IF HE WAS SCARED AND INSANE..
WAS BOBBY AND THE BEAST FROM HELL..
AT THE END OF A CHAIN..
IF YOU DONT LISTEN TO ME
AND LET ME KISS
YOUR PEE PEE
I WILL SHOW YOU ,
HOW HUNGRY
MY DOG CAN BE..
SO
DO WHAT I SAY...
AND I PROMISE YOU
IF ONE WORD YOU SAY!!
IT WILL BE YOU AND THE DOG
WHO WILL PLAY!
SO GET UP AND DO WHAT I SAY
AND YOU CAN TOUCH MINE TOO..
REMEMBER
I'M YOUR BROTHER
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU...
THIS WENT ON
I BELIEVE FOR A YEAR
ME SILENTLY CRYING
TEARLESS
TEARS
IN FEAR....
OF THE BEAST INSANE..
TUGGING AND PULLING
TRYING TO BE FREE OF HIS CHAIN..
FROM A DISTANCE
EATING MY SOUL, MY EXISTANCE
MAKING SPIRITUALLY CRIPPLE..
AND LAME
BUT THEN
THE DAY CAME..
I THOUGHT I WAS FREE
FROM CANDY
BOBBY
AND THE BEAST...
MARIO AND NURIA
CAME A KNOCKING TO SAY...
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE IN LONG ISLAND..
WERE MOVING AWAY...
EVERYONE WAS SAD...
SO I PLAYED THE GAME..
BUT MY LIFE ..
WAS FUCKED..
NEVER TO BE THE SAME..
NIGHTMARES
WITH MY EYES OPEN...
SCARED TO SLEEP AT NIGHT..
FOREVER RELIVING THE HORROR
AND THE FRIGHT...
TRUSTING NO ONE,
AS FAR AS I COULD SEE..
MOM TO BUSY WORKING 3 JOBS
TO SEE
THE CHANGE IN ME...
ANGER WAS MY YOUTH..
PAIN WAS MY LIFE..
WHEREVER I WENT
I LIVED SILENTLY
IN MISERY AND STRIFE....
BUT WITH A VOW TO PROTECT
ALL THAT IS INNOCENT AND TRUE..
CHECK IT...
IT YOU HURT SOMEONE SMALL...
I'M GONNA FUCKING HURT YOU...
IT TOOK ME MOST OF MY YEARS
TO COME TO GRIPS..
THAT WHAT WAS DONE TO ME..
WASN'T MY FAULT
IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S SHIT...
I WAS JUST A BABY...
6 YRS OLD..
I'M FINALLY OVER IT AND
DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YA THINK,
SO LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD...
WHAT JUST ESCAPED MY LIPS..
IS MY FREEDOM...
MY CLEANSING...
A
LAXATIVE FOR MY SOUL...
